They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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