so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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