I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
