Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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