I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
