she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
