my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
