Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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