Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
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it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
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I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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