I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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