Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
