Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
