Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
