hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
