Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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