I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
