oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
