idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
