I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
