I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
