I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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