everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
