I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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