hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
