my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
