this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Randomize
