I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
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Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
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Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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