He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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