and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
