I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
