Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
