Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Randomize
