Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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