East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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