What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
