I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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