She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
