Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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