Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
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is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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