Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
