I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize