Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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