I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
