watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
