I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
