Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
this is an emotional support booty call
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
