it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
