Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
