Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Someone came in the potted fern
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
