hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
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