hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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