Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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