you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
