Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
