had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
