Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
