Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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