Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
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