He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
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