I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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