my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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