I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Randomize
