You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
