I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize