I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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