where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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