I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
