I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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