I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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