I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
