I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
