Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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