i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
