the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
